Five Reasons Why
By Stephanie Topete
May 16, 2020
Five Reasons Why victims of domestic violence don’t leave their abusers.
Understanding the reasons why victims have a hard time leaving their abusers is fundamental for both the victim and those closest to them. It can be frustrating and heartbreaking to watch someone you care for continue to return to a situation that is harmful and even dangerous. The more we understand why the cycle continues, the more support we can offer those in such a difficult situation.
If you find yourself in this cycle of abuse, the first step is to understand why you may feel the need to return and what you can do to break the cycle. There are some helpful suggestions for you and your loved ones below. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources that can help. Please reach out and get help if you are experiencing any kind of emotional or physical abuse.
Top 5 Reasons why people stay:
Financial control: Often times those who are experiencing physical or emotional abuse are also being controlled financially or lack the means to leave and start over. Sometimes people are unaware there are state programs that can offer temporary financial and/or housing assistance to those experiencing domestic violence.
Fear of Repercussions: Victims of abuse fear that if they attempt to leave and fail, they may be punished or hurt. They may fear for their lives. This also can include fear of repercussions for their children. Many abusers also threaten suicide if their partner tries to speak out or leave.
Public Shame: Many people fear being exposed to their friends, family, or community. Victim blaming is a real stigma that takes strength and support to overcome.
Religion or Culture: Aside from judgment and victim-blaming, cultural pressures to remain in a marriage no matter the hardships affect many relationships. The pressure can sometimes be so great that domestic violence is ignored or trivialized.
Belief that it will get better/ genuine love for their partner: One of the most frequent reoccurring themes in the cycle of domestic violence is the belief that the abuser will change, stop, get better, get help, etc. The reason that victims stay through so many accounts of emotional or physical abuse is that the abuser actually does get better or seek help, but the change is temporary and often leads back to the same reoccurring issues. Breaking this cycle is extremely hard. Seeking support is often vital to those who successfully leave their abuser.
According to thehotline.org,
“The 2018 Impact Report by the numbers:
22% (similar to 2017) reported that their abusive situation involved children
13,625 victims experienced stalking
7,482 cited suicidal threats from their abusive partners
4.7% (up 1.1% from 2017) of victims disclosed the use or threat of firearms
4,565 victims experienced threats related to immigration status.”
These are just a few of the reasons why someone may not leave an abusive situation right away and there are so many more. Understanding is the first step to breaking the cycle before it is too late. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, read below for resources to reach out and get help.
Resources that can help.
Tips for leaving an abusive relationship
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
Talk to someone
https://www.thehotline.org/help/
Find shelter
https://www.domesticshelters.org/help
Know the laws
https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/general
National organizations and specific situations